I never understood.... **Trigger Warning**

I've never understoood people that self harm. They are people, so psychologically destroyed that they physically harm their skin. They can hold a blade, weapon, fist, to themselves and harm themselves. I've never understood how straight afterthey would be able to carry on with their lives like its nothing. What I've learnt is that they never did, it was never the same afterwards. Yes, they seem to carry on with their lives, but they don't. Its a thought that is on a treadmill in their head all day. Its a constant thought for hours on end afterwards. Is anything gunna change next time I do it? Is it gunna hurt any more than usual? Will anyone see through my sharade? Will they notice me wince? It isn't only that, they don't carry on with their lives becausw they want to. They have to carry on 'living" otherwise someone will notice and end up hurting them. They have to carry on 'living' otherwise somethinf will change and if they don't then life will leave them behind. They're so strong and I never understood until I was in their shoes.....